Improving myself..

         Some thing that I have been really focusing on the past month is trying to become a better mom. I have been taking a class on Positive Parenting and I can tell how much a influence it has had on me. I never wanted to be that " Yelling mom" and yet that is what I was becoming. I am the mom to four very small children. ( All within 4 years ) and I was becoming overwhelmed with the things I had to do every day to maintain my house hold, take care of them, try to take care of myself, my husband, my church, my friends, my extended family. I was overcome with anxiety that I thought I was literally going crazy. I finally broke down and excepted the fact that I was a "failure." Or isnt that what we in society are told if we cant manage on our own and need outside help?

       I went to the doctor and told her what I was going through and feeling. We both agreed that I need to go on some low does anxiety meds to help me get through what I was feeling and be able to sleep. Oh sleep... What is that? My mind raced until 3am every morning until I was completely exhausted I just couldn't keep my eyes open another minute. I went from nyquil to help me sleep, to Benadryl, to melatonin. The sleep I was getting was so broken with the constant tossing and turning at night. Waking up in the middle of dreams. Waking up suddenly worried that I left the stove on, or forgot to lock the door. Waking up to check on the kids to make sure they were still breathing, or that they weren't too cold, or hot.

       Between the kids waking up still at night and having to tend to them and my brain not turning off I was running on very limited sleep. Which made me so grouchy and once again fall back on that yelling instinct. It got to the point where my oldest daughter  Emma-Leah would tell me that it made her sad when I yelled. I saw hurt and worry in her eyes. The glimmer of happiness and calm where gone when she looked at me. It broke my heart.. I needed to change.

        I am not one to really put myself out there and seek outside help or direction but when I found an opening for this positive parenting class a sense of peace and calm came over me and I signed up. I am so glad I did. I have learned to connect with my children in a way that they need individually. And in return they feel secure and loved and are so much more willing to cooperate. I am no longer that "yelling mom" and have learned to speak with direction and authority but love and compassion.

      I am trying my hardest to be a good example to them and to teach them to be the best person they can be. To be forgiving, loving, serving, and to look for the good in people. I feel like I am finally on the path that I have always striving to be as a parent. I am not a perfect parent but I am learning to be a positive parent and a loving, guiding parent.  I am grateful for a network of parents who are also willing to put the work in to make the world a better place for the future of our children.  It makes me excited for my children's future.

Emma-Leah turns 3!

Happy 3^rd birthday Emma-Leah. You are no longer my baby girl. You are my big girl, and tell me all the time. You are such an independent little girl who knows exactly what you want. You also have an amazing memory. Aunt Kit-kat came home from Idaho to be here for your birthday. She loves you sooo very very much! Today the firs thing you did when you saw her walk through the door, was ask her to go outside and build a snowman with you. We just got over 18” of snow in the past 48 hrs and all you wanted for your birthday was to go play in the snow. I love you my sweet girl. 

Playing catch up..

The past year has been crazy. We found out on December 15 2011 that we were expecting again. Mandon was only 9 months old and Emma-Leah wasnt yet 2.  So this means 3 babies under 3. Annalee Kathryn Bryant joined our family this year on August 12 2012 at 11:05pm. Weighing in at 8 pounds 9 oz 21" long.  She is such a joy to our family. Content but with a little bit of attitude. She knows what she wants but is very patient.  She is now 4 months old, and rolls all over the place. She loves to be held and sung to. Mandon is now 21 months and is SOO stubborn. He loves to dance and knows EXACTLY what he wants.. Emma-Leah is turning 3 tomorrow. She is such a great girl. Stubborn as well, but also the most loving girl you can ever imagine. So very smart and knows it.. 

Annalee Kathryn Bryant

Wow what a whirlwind of a time..
On Wednesday Aug 22nd I went to my 39 ( 3 day) OB appt. At that appt my ob informed me I wasnt dilated or thinned out at all, and he would talk about being induced on Monday the 27th. Oh yes and that he would be out of town this weekend. I told him that, " that isnt allowed."  But since my contractions were pretty irregular and I wasnt dilated I thought Monday was a good bet.  Well once I got home on Wednesday everything sorta picked up. I started having more frequent, painful contractions and started losing my mucus plug. On Thursday(Aug 23) my sister Katy and I hung out all morning and she watched the kids while i went to the chiropractor. Later that afternoon she left  with Emma-Leah to go over to my mom's house. I had Mandon at home with me and he and I  just played and hung out until Jason got home at 7:00 ish.  That day i had already eaten an entire pineapple by myself . We then went on a 2 mile walk. Contractions were really picking up and getting painful. After our walk we went to eat at  a local place. That night I really didnt sleep that much. I was really hoping to have the baby on the 23rd as it was my Grandpa McCooey's birthday.  Friday ( Aug 24) I woke up for the day about 8 ish and the contractions were still coming in waves, every 10-15 mins apart but getting pretty painful. By 9am I was in the bathtub. I tried a couple different things to get them to ease up , but nothing was really working. By 1 pm I knew something was off.. The contractions were getting really painful and even closer together. My parents showed up around 2 and Jason came home from work right around 3:30 pm. We were planning on bringing the kids to chucky cheese that night but instead I told Jason we were going to go to the hospital. So after getting things in order and trying to breath through contractions, Jason, Myself, and my sister Katy headed over to the hospital. We got there at :5:36 p.m. When I got there they checked me and I was only at 1cm but having pretty good contractions. So they hooked me up to monitors and watched me for an hr. The OB on call ( my ob was out of town) came in and checked me and  I was 2-3cm. He said to the nurse,  " hand me the hook" I thought to myself what?!  They then started pitocin around 8 after the checked me again and saw contractions were not super strong. I told them " if you are going to get me pitocin, you better get me my walking epidural".. well they started me on pit and an hr later the "pain med doc" came and gave me my walking Epi.. HEAVEN! This was right around 9:45. Jason decided since I was only a 3 and i was comfortable he would go take a nap in the car. I told him to keep his cell on since i knew how fast i usually go from a 3-10. It was usually around 4 hrs in the past..  After i had the walking Epi I went to a 5-6 by 10:00. My mom was called to come in to hospital  About  10:30 The nurses came into check me because they saw Annalee's heart rate change on the monitors. They were pretty sure her head was coming down according to the heart-rate  Sure enough I was a 7. I could start feeling the contractions more and more.. I knew from past experience that once i started feeling more of the contractions I was getting closer. I told my sister who was with me the entire time to call Jason to get here soon! At about 10:55 or so I let a Blood curdling scream.. I knew it was time. 4 nurses came rushing in. They checked me  and sure enough I was fully dilated and baby was "right there." Before i knew it my body just started pushing.. Jason, my mom, and the doctor all walked in the room at 11:05 with her crowning and with 2 1/2 pushes Annalee was out.. It all happened so fast the doctor delivered her bare handed.. she was placed directly on my chest and it was perfect!

Mandon James Jericho Bryant

As of March 10, 2011 I hit my 39 week mark.. YIPPY!! I went in to my regular OB appointment and was getting ready for my last ultrasound before this boy was born. During the U/S the baby wasn’t moving all that much but everything looked “ fine”. I went to my OB appt with the doc and he was concerned that the baby wasn’t moving like he should be and showing that my placenta was a grade 2-3. (Showing it was becoming a little too ripe.) After the U/S he sent me for a NST. During the NST the baby’s heart rate had a dip in it and wasn’t moving. After the OB came in he sent me over to L&D for more monitoring and a Bio Physical Exam... After I get over to L&D I was being monitored for a while and went for the B.F.E they found that my placenta was indeed was a grade 3. After I get back up to L&D they monitor me for another 15 mins or so and send me home for the night ( by this time it was 9pm) , telling me to call my OB in the morning.. That night I had a GREAT night sleep.

In the morning Jason(DH) goes into work and I call my doc. He says he wants to see me at 11:40am. Jason, Emma(DD) and I go in to see the doc and he tells me the option is up to me but at this rate the best thing to do is to induce. I asked him when he would like to do so; he said whenever we wanted to. That night worked best for us. We spent the rest of the day with my parents and then a couple hours with some friends playing board games before we headed into the hospital at 7pm.

When we got to the hospital at 7:15pm for a course of cervidil. At 12am nurse started IV and gave me Ambein to help me sleep. At 3am started having cramps/contractions. At 5:15 am she took the cervidil out and I walked until 6am when Jason woke up and walked with me until 6:45 am. At that time I was a 1-2cm dilated and the Doc came in and broke my water and started me on Pitocin. At 8 am I was only 2.5cm. At 9:30 3cm. At that point in knew I needed to get into the bathtub. I was in the jetted bathtub from 10:30am until 11:30am. At that time the nurse told me I needed to get back on monitoring and I asked her what my options were as far as pain control. She told me if I was still only at 3cm the best option would be duramorph and if I was more like a 7cm Stadol would better. I knew I didn’t really want Stadol because it made me loopy with Emma’s birth and Duramorph helped me relax just enough to give my body a chance to dilate on its own.. After getting back to my room the nurse checked me and I was still at 3cm. I asked for the duramorph . At 11:15am my parents, my sister Katy , and Emma-Leah got to the hospital and were in my room with us by 11:45am. While I was waiting to get the Duramorph Jason and Nick ( step-Dad) went down the street to get something to eat and my sister and mom took Emma-Leah down to the cafeteria to grab lunch as well. I was just soo tired all I wanted was to rest. By 1pm the anesthesiologist came in the room to administer the Duramorph. Last time Jason held me while I got the single shot in my back and he almost passed out, so this time around he opted to let my mom hold me instead. 5 mins and the doc were done. I immediately felt relief and I told the Dr that I loved him. At 3:06pm I was checked by the nurse and was at 5cm.

During this time of “ relaxation” Katy and I guessed what time the baby would be born. I said “3:45 or 4:15.” And Katy said . “ Wouldn’t it be cool if he was born at 5:30 like Emma was?” I said “ohh I hope not” seeing that it was still another 2 + hours away. During the next hour the itching from the medications hit me like a ton of bricks and Katy and Jason rubbed lotion on every exposed surface. Thank goodness. Also right around the time I was 8 cm the contractions really started to hurt again. I knew it wouldn’t be very long. Jason told my Ob when he came into check how things were going that last time I went from a 5cm to 10cm pretty fast. He said “ok lets see.” At 5:02pm I was 9.5cm and by 5:10pm I started pushing. After only 10 mins of pushing our beautiful BIG baby boy was born at 5:20pm with a head full of dark hair. The doc said “ that’s a big baby.” No duh.. ;) Jason was able to cut the cord, and I was able to hold him right away before he went to the warmer. I am so grateful that our little Man is here.. Mandon James Jericho Bryant : 8lbs 6 oz 20inches 5:20 pm on 3/12/2011

A update.. ( will fill in the past 7 months later lol )

I realize as time gets closer for Mandon to be here Emma will no longer be my only baby.. Now that my " baby Emma-Leah" is 13 months old she is growing more and more every day and amazes me how smart she is.. She picks up on everything and knows what she wants.. She just started having us bring her to the cabinets and will scan them with her eyes until she grabs exactly what she wants.. most of the time its cereal or some other kind of yummy. She is very independent when it comes to eating and wont eat if we are feeding her but grabs it right up if placed on the table in front of her.. She loves animals and Roars like a lion, makes monkey sounds, barks like a puppy and meows like a cat.. she is working on her moo and her chicken noises.. lol.. We had the opportunity to have my sister Lis and her 3 children come stay with us for 2 weeks and Emma just Loved all the attention. Her cousin Addy is almost 4 and Emma just loved following her around and now asks for her every morning.. She is going to be such a good older sister to Mandon.. Speaking of Mandon he isn't due until March 17th which is just a short 5 weeks away.. and i realized this morning my house is in such disarray i hope I can get it all together before he gets here.. I will more then ok if i have that entire 5 weeks to get it done but Jason thinks he will come a week or two early.. :/P My belly is getting bigger and i am bit uncomfortable but That is completely normal this late in pregnancy.. Emma likes to be held and cuddled which is getting a bit more difficult for me to do. I hope she understands that mommy still loves her even if i cant pick her up all the time.. I just love my Babies!! :D

Baby Emma

Emma -Leah just LOVED the water :D

Emmas first time to the Beach :D

Bubble head :D

Sleepy girl...